I have been sharing stories written by my friend Kingsley about Miss Birdie’s Easter Bun, so below is part three of the story. But! Before you go any further, Read Part 1 or Read Part 2 Here.
Here’s Part Three:
A few days have passed since Lisa intruded my home and demanded slices of my Miss Birdie Easter Bun. I sat my dad down on Tuesday and shared with him three measures that would ensure Licky-Licky Lisa doesn’t invade us again.
The three measures are:
1. If an unfamiliar face shows up at the gate, he should take a picture, whatsapp it to me then I’ll decide if I will welcome that person. If not, I’ll send him a message to tell them I’m not in the country.
2. He should padlock the gate upon entering and after leaving. No one should be allowed entrance without authorization.
3. If anyone, or anything resembling Lisa approaches the gate, retrieve a bucket of ice cold water and throw until the person is drenched from head to toes.
With these measures in place, both me and my Miss Birdie Easter bun were safe from Licky-Licky Lisa.
Fast forward to Thursday morning.
I was making some tea when I heard my dad shouting my name.
“Kingsley!”
I was so shocked I spilled some of the tea on my hand. Now, we already know that when dad calls me ‘Kingsley’, it means an unfamiliar person is at the gate…otherwise, he would have shouted ‘Tuh-Tuh’. I didn’t get a whatsapp message so I was pissed.
We put the damn measures in place for a reason!
Concerned, I tip-toed to the window in the living room and peeked.
It was Curtis, aka Toothpaste. Curtis doesn’t live in Tower Hill, but he sometimes walk through the community selling toothpaste, thus his name.
At this point I wondered if my dad wanted to scare me by calling me Kingsley. Now relieved, I opened the door and went unto the verandah.
“Yow wah gwaan businessman,” greeted Toothpaste in a lively tone.
“Bwoy mi deh yah enuh uncle. Weh yaw pree?”
“Yuh wah know seh…” Toothpaste started talking into a hushed tone, signifying that what he had to say was for my ears only. Curious, I went closer to the gate.
He continued. “Da sexy girl deh weh mi see a leave yuh house Sunday, a your catty dat?”
Toothpaste was referring to Lisa. I didn’t share before but Lisa is relatively pleasant on the eyes. She’s fair in complexion, about five feet tall with C-cup boobs. Lisa doesn’t have enough ‘bumpa’ to cause traffic, but just the right amount to keep a bicycle man gazing. She’s not drop dead gorgeous nor is she embarrassingly ugly. She could do well with a mani-pedi treatment and some shea butter on her skin, but maybe that’s just me. Certainly not my cup of tea but she could be Toothpaste’s orange juice.
“No sah! A nuh my catty.” I laughed.
Toothpaste now had a smirk on his face. In that moment I knew that smirk meant he was interested in Lisa.
“Why yuh ask? Yuh rate har?” I asked rhetorically.
“Yes bredda!” His face became a light-bulb. “Har body look trang! Yuh cyah set di link?”
I was engulfed in joy after hearing that question. Here was Toothpaste presenting me with a solution to my problem that is Lisa. He wanted a link but I had planned on giving him the whole damn chain!
“Yow a di easiest ting dat fi do bro,” I said encouragingly. “In fact, i think she has a thing for hard working men like you weh determined not fi be wutliss.”
Toothpaste’s smile touched both ears, revealing teeth in desperate need of the very product he’s selling.
“Suh King, wah mek it suh easy?” Toothpaste had a very concerned look on his face. “A mean, a girl like dat look outta my league. She look kinda high maintenance and mi nuh have nuh money fi keep up wid dat.”
“Bro, you only need one ting.”
With desperate eyes he asked, “wah dat King? Weh mi need?”
I rested my right hand on Toothpaste’s right shoulder, looked him in the eyes and said, “a box of Miss Birdie Easter Bun.”
********
Do you think Licky-Licky Lisa will bite the bait? Will she fall for Toothpaste and his Miss Birdie Easter Bun? Stay tuned.
For All The Foodies 